How To Handle Your Legal Divorce

Starve the Divorce Lawyers With Mediation and Divorce Arbitration
by Harlan Jacobsen Copyright © 2003

Divorce Mediation

One of your options when you split is to use something called mediation .... .... and there are attorneys and others that do this job daily..

When you use adversarial attorneys, your divorce gets out of your hands and it is basically worked out between the two attorneys.

In other words, your divorce settlement for all practical purposes moves almost totally out of your control.

In addition your divorce becomes much more expensive and frustrating.

If the attorneys can not work it out, then it goes into court in front of a judge (another attorney) and the judge decides.

Now it gets really expensive.

When the two of you agree to try mediation, it does not mean the divorce goes out of your control because either of you can quit or refuse to agree at any time.

Unlike the lawyer adversary situation, you and your spouse are basically working it out between you with a coach (mediator) that works to keep everybody reasonable, make it fair and on track.

Many attorneys will work as a mediator and many retired judges and other professionals etc. work as mediators.

Their fees will range up to several hundred dollars per hour, but remember, this is often peanuts compared to having two hassling lawyers who are getting several hundred dollars per hour lawyers who have little motivation to not keep it going on and on.

You can mutually pick anyone to act as a mediator you both agree on.

If you can work it out between you, you do not even need a mediator.

However, a professional mediator will often point out what is normal and fair so both interests are more sure of being looked after.

You take what agreement you have worked out between you to a paralegal who will then do the paper work and you file the papers your self and that is it.

If it is an uncontested divorce with everything agreed to, the divorce decree should be automatic.

If you go to a mediator, you may still be unable to mutually agree or decide for example agree who gets the dog, who has custody of the kids , who gets which car, support, etc.

Then you may agree in advance of negotiations, that if in the process, you get stuck and can not agree, you will take "the stuck issue" to arbitration and whatever the arbitrator decides goes.

What ever a mediator recommends, in contrast, you can refuse.

When it goes to an arbitrator then you agree in advance, what the arbitrator rules is the way it goes, that is final.

If you both agree, you can have the mediator become the arbitrator or you can hire someone else for that job.

Sounds expensive, and will cost you a few bucks, but remember, up until arbitration, your divorce settlement is still in your control and is far less expensive then adversary attorney settlements.

When everything is agreed to, the paper work has to be filed, but remember the mediator can not do that for you.

You can then hire one attorney just to draw up the mutual paper work or you can hire a paralegal (knows how to draw up the paper work as well or better then an attorney,) to draw up the paper work and after both signing the drawn up legal divorce agreement, you take them down to the court house and file them yourself.

Once your divorce agreement is approved by the court, it then becomes your legally binding divorce agreement.

That is it....

(note: some states legislators made up of primarily lawyers, have passed legislation to forbid paralegal to write legal paper work for anyone but attorneys)

Ready made forms to handle most situations can not be forbidden and out of state paralegals can help you on the web.

If you are unsuccessful in finding mediators, arbitrators, or a paralegal, drop us a note and will show you how or give you help to find one.

When one spouse is hiding assets and refuses to share retirement and other complicated issues including custody of the children, then you may have no choice but to seek legal help. Requesting restraining orders etc., can be done without an attorney but is easier of course with one With an attorney you can more easily do discovery to locate hidden assets since depositions are taken under oath.

Your negotiating spouse needs to be informed that if this settlement is not agreed to fairly, then you will be left no choice but to file with an adversary attorney.

In turn, you must remember, if you make unreasonable, outside of the norm, demands, then you will force the spouse to go the adversarial route.

Remember, if you can agree to settle things by whatever it takes, and preliminaryly agree to stay out of the "adversarial litigation" with two attorneys, does not mean you can not "consult with" an attorney and get advice, guidance and coaching at any time, it just means you do not "retain" an attorney.

Once you "retain" them and they TAKE YOUR CASE, you no longer control it,

If one of you "retains" an attorney, then by law the other side must have an attorney and away you go.......

There has to be a lot of mutual bending....to make this work without an attorney.
Go here and read about the process of negotiating with your STBX.

Read up in your local library and on the web, as much information as you can and suggest and point out information your spouse should be aware of also.

When you both are well informed and fully understand what is normal division of property and custody etc. then it should be relatively easy.

When one thinks they are being cheated because they do not understand normal divisions etc then it is a wrench in the works.

The spouse that is not sure they are doing well or believes they need help or assurances in being successful in doing the right thing, can hire an attorney as a "coach". We ran this link before, but in case you missed it here is information on hiring a coach when you need one. Go here

You both need to remember, if you go the two lawyer adversary route it will take many months and even years and more then DOUBLES the length of time a divorce (with this sword hanging over your head) normally takes.

Worst of all, what is happening to you "via divorce" becomes completely out of your control during this extended time.

Therefore, remember it is far better to take your time, study and read up on the subject fully and get well informed over a period of time,
on this subject and methods,....... then get together to start to work things out.

Expect to take many meetings over a period of time to work things out.

Work out as much as you can and make a list of where you can not agree.

After several tries, over a period of time, with narrowing it down as much as you can, then try a mediator if necessary.

If you still have any issues left after sessions with a mediator, then consider mutually agreeing to submit what is left you can not agree on, to arbitration.